Dive into the archives.
- #9017
Reporter: “This crazy lady who says she’s missing is in the lobby for an interview.” Executive Producer: “Is she crazy?” Producer: “Is she naked?”
- #9011
Reporter as random person walks by: “So he stuck $85,000 of heroin pellets up his butt?” Random person glares. Reporter: “Sorry.”
- #8996
Crime reporter in rural Louisiana: “People around here don’t dump bodies in good places. They’re too easy to find.”
- #8995
Assignment Editor: “That tipster is such a perv.” Anchor: “But he gives us so many news ideas.” Assignment Editor: “Well, he is still a perv.” Anchor: “I think when you’re near 80 years old you deserve to be a perv.”
- #8993
Editor reading the arrest report: “Apparently all anyone did between Christmas and New Year’s was toke up.”
- #8992
Young reporter writing anchor tag for fireworks story: “Please contact City Hall to find out where you can shoot off.”
- #8989
Reporter to editor: “Then he told me that his dad told him to be himself and he’s just doing whatever he can to be himself. That’s what the guy in the Statue of Liberty costume told me.”
- #8980
Caller referring to ongoing standoff: “You need to get your innocent reporter out of there and let those people kill each other.”
- #8976
Newspaper reporter on phone: “Well, I can’t get the TV cameras to come, but I can write a story about it.”
- #8974
Reporter after repeatedly saying he can only hear half of what his interviewee is saying on the phone: “You know what always sucks about calling and interviewing activists? They’re also too poor to afford a phone that works.”
- #8972
Reporter to editor about covering a court case: “Is he the one with the drug problem or the jacking off problem?”
- #8968
Scanner: “Illegal dumping in the street.” Reporter: “Is someone taking a shit on the streets in downtown, again?”
- #8967
Reporter after covering court: “He was laughing with the judge… then he was sentenced to 10 years in prison. He stopped laughing.”
- #8962
Reporter: “I think a murder charge would look better on a criminal record than sodomy with a horse.”
- #8956
News Editor at an engineering college newspaper: “Why can’t the newsmakers on campus be more photogenic?”
- #8955
Reporter: “Oh, a handwritten letter. That’s always a good sign.” Social media specialist: “As long as there’s no white powder that drops out of the envelope, I think you’re OK.”
- #8953
Executive producer, after putting a caller on hold: “Did anybody take a call this morning about a monkey riding a border collie?”
- #8949
Editor returning phone calls to two women complaining about stories with one threatening to find an attorney: “I got those two women out of my life. I’m only talking to men today.”
- #8946
Female Producer: “How long did Ron Paul stick it in last time?” Male Producer: “All the way I think?”
- #8938
Producer: “When you got someone making meth in Walmart, then yeah, you’ve got an epidemic.”
