Dive into the archives.
- #9316
Producer to reporter: “Your script looks good. One thing though, I don’t think anyone in our viewing area knows what a consortium is.”
- #9310
Editor to reporter: “Did this woman really say this? ‘We want to raise the vibrational energy of the entire city’?”
- #9307
Reporter reading back quote to source over phone: “I’m not a crazy person, but I do know that something different is happening to me.”
- #9306
Editor: “There’s a reception for the outgoing president today.” Reporter: “It’s just going to be a bunch of people jacking each other off and I don’t want to be in the splash zone.”
- #9293
New reporter: “So what’s the deal with that park? It seems pretty nice.” Veteran copy editor: “Nah, you don’t want to walk around there. That’s where all the winos hang out.”
- #9291
Cop reporter: “I’m beginning to think he’s not going to call me. I’m being stood up by an alleged sexual predator.”
- #9287
Assistant editor, about complaint over running the wrong day’s horoscope: “I’m not sure this woman leaves the house much. I offered to email them to her and she didn’t know what I meant.”
- #9284
Editor laying out obits page: “I’m glad these people are dead, they won’t have to see their awful photos.”
- #9281
Editor about the police scanner: “What did they say was in the road?” Cop reporter: “A boy.” Editor: “Oh. That’s my road. He’s a little shit.”
- #9276
Reporter to source on phone: “No, you don’t need to give me an address. I’m a reporter, I know where everyone is at all times.”
- #9272
Assistant News Director: “If you have America’s Next Top Model on before your show you should lead with the gay marriage story.”
- #9269
Editor to reporter about a dead source: “I hope those stupid people didn’t procreate before they died.”
- #9265
Reporter: “That guy’s so stupid you wonder how he brushes his teeth in the morning without sticking the toothbrush up his ass first.”
- #9258
College paper’s news reporter: “Joe Biden, stop emailing me!”
- #9255
Social Editor: “I wish new moms would just admit their babies look like Yoda.”
- #9233
Copy chief: “[Editor], you’ll have to rewrite this headline. I laughed. We can’t make our readers laugh: It’s against our style.”
- #9232
News editor: “If porn movies with the Octomom aren’t arts and entertainment, I don’t know what are.”
- #9228
Editor: “You can definitely quote those people.” Reporter: “No… I didn’t identify myself as a reporter. I’ll have to call back.” Reporter 2: “Yeah, just use a slightly different voice, that’ll work.”
- #9223
Reporter on the phone: “I can’t imagine having a ferret with diarrhea.”
- #9219
Editor: “We have 78 inches of obits in tomorrow’s paper. I don’t think we’re going to have any subscribers left.”
