Dive into the archives.
- #8577
In reference to prostitution bust of pastor: “Vessels of the Lord need pieces of ass too.”
- #8553
“Interviews are like a one-night stand, it’s always awkward when you have to leave.”
- #8514
Discussing the difficulty of finding appropriate placement for a Viagra ad: “It makes it hard where I’m going to put it.”
- #8484
Humor columnist to executive editor: “I can be coy and not say ‘Schweddy Balls’ until the jump. … It won’t say ‘Schweddy Balls’ in the headline.”
- #8465
Editor after seeing the Fergie wax figure photos: “Now why can’t they make sex dolls that look like that?”
- #8461
Writer: “Did you laugh when you saw I wrote ‘blow job’ 5 times in my article?” Copy editor: “Actually, yes. It brightened my day.”
- #8442
Senior editor: “Is Trojan up or down in reference to Trojan horse?” Copy editor: “Up if he’s wearing a contraceptive device.”
- #8422
Editor, looking at proof: “At least we don’t have the sun giving a hand job in our newspaper.” Writer: “Thank you, USA Today, for lowering the bar.”
- #8409
News anchor discussing his new pool table: “It’s great! Beautiful! I played with myself last night!”
- #8481
In a college newspaper office: “I’m sorry, I can’t go with a ginger sex columnist.”
- #8459
Female reporter mystified why a business editor has success with woman: “He must bore the pants off them.”
- #8427
Clueless reporter to source on the phone in an interview about tequila tasting: “So do you swallow or do you spit?”
- #8421
Reporter to intern about stand ups: “News directors get hard over weather stand ups.”
- #8410
Editor after fielding a number of earthquake calls: “I’ve never heard the words ‘The earth moved’ and ‘amazing’ so much in one day.” Male reporter: “I have.”
- #8401
Editor to 85-year-old caller complaining about penis-shaped straws in a photograph about a gay bar: “They’re called penises, ma’am.”
- #8390
Reporter to Editor: “Just talked my way out of the cop shop. Police report is going to be huge this week. Better prep your hole, cause that page is about to get violated.”
- #8354
Reporter: “A source said the state house speaker is sleeping with the majority whip.” Editor: “Sounds kinky.”
- #8350
Producer: “Should I put a breaking news animation on this?” Anchor: “Oh yeah! Let’s whore this story up.” Reporter: “I’m putting a stripper pole at the chroma key.” Producer: “Alright, I want this story so whored up that it’s getting fisted by 10 o’clock.”
- #8318
Video editor: “Finding the USB port on an iMac is like drunk sex: You’re always groping around, trying to find the right hole.”
- #8258
Producer, talking about the woman arrested for cutting off man’s penis: “If you’re not doing something positive to my penis, don’t touch it.”
