Dive into the archives.
- #8951
Editor in Chief at college newspaper: “At least this semester we have a sports editor who will fill out photo requests.” Copy editors: [Applause.]
- #8948
Anchor after a story on World Series of Beer Pong on the weather chat: “I didn’t know what beer pong is.” Meteorologist: “Did you go to college?”
- #8941
Cops reporter: “I’m going to jail. This is all I’ve ever wanted.”
- #8939
Analyst: “It’s significantly warmer on our floor than the publisher’s.” Editor: “That’s because our thermostat has been permanently set to Hell.”
- #8937
Editor opens box full of new AP Stylebooks. Both pick up new books and pause. Reporter: “This is our divine moment.”
- #8936
Reporter: “Well, that fire turned out to be nothing.” Meteorologist: “Did you at least get a couple phone numbers?”
- #8934
Designer, in response to stories coming in over budget: “If this cracker wasn’t so fucking delicious, I’d stab it with this pen.”
- #8926
Reporter: “Wow, I didn’t realize it was Nixon’s birthday today.” Editor: “Got a lot planned for Nixon’s birthday, do you?”
- #8924
Assignment editor to reporter complaining about photographer’s behavior: “No, you can’t have a taser.”
- #8923
Reporter playing Words with Friends with another reporter: “It should be called Words with Enemies.”
- #8922
Reporter: “Why did we ever think it was a good idea to get into journalism? If I ever meet Woodward or Bernstein I’m punching them in the balls.”
- #8920
Reporter angry about working on Christmas: “They can fire me for saying this, but why the fuck are we having people who don’t celebrate Christmas planning out what we cover on Christmas?”
- #8918
One editor to another: “You are a dead man. I forgot my lunch and you ordered wings and didn’t tell me. You know I like that sweet and sour crap!”
- #8913
Reporter planning intern lunch: “It’s an evolutionary thing. We find food and then we talk shit.”
- #8912
Copy editor following a visit from a beleaguered congressional candidate: “I’m still shaking from being in the presence of someone who was actually on ‘The Soup!’”
- #8907
Features Editor to Sports Reporter: “Any time you want a complete lack of compassion just come on over.”
- #8899
Anchor: “Do you have chocolate in the candy jar?” Producer: “No. [Indicating toy] But I have jellybeans in the reindeer’s butt.”
- #8898
Reporter to Editor: “You stole that story idea from a blog? Can’t you find your own fucking story ideas?” Editor to Reporter: “So, does that mean you’ll do it?”
- #8896
Copy editor: “Can I put kissing lesbians in the paper?” News editor: “I’m trying to think if that would add or subtract from readership.”
- #8894
Retiring producer reminiscing about the ‘good ol’ days’ in the newsroom: “Remember when we could smoke like chimneys and drink like Kennedys?”
