Dive into the archives.
- #8919
Reporter 1 to Reporter 2 on Christmas: “Have a nice time with your family. If you stab anyone, call us so we can get a photographer out there.”
- #8892
Male sports editor to receptionist’s child: “You are the reason I am not having kids.” Child, without missing a beat: “Boys don’t have kids.”
- #8818
Editor: “I’m pretty sure my mom is scared I’m going to die alone, but she’s totally wrong… I have cats and books.”
- #8778
Reporter going to spend the weekend with her boyfriend: “I’m going to be good this weekend.” Weekend Editor: “That’s not much fun.” Reporter: “I didn’t say what I was going to be good at.”
- #8754
Reporter in editorial meeting: “And it’s my week to write the column. Since Thanksgiving is coming, I figure I’ll write about thankfulness, or some other such fiction.”
- #8752
Reporter 1: “I guess we can expect to start seeing good work from Jess again. Her boyfriend dumped her last night.” Reporter 2: “Yeah, she’ll dedicate herself to journalism again… until she meets the next guy.”
- #8723
“You know you’ve had too many kids if AP style says you should write out the number, not spell it.”
- #8696
Reporter on phone with wife: “I know. I’m sorry. A police officer got arrested for DWI.”
- #8679
Copy editor, listening to scanner: “They can suspend your license for not paying child support?” Photographer whose girlfriend is pregnant: “Ah, something to look forward to.”
- #8657
Retiring editor: “If I can leave you with one lesson it’s: Marry. Outside. Of. The. Newsroom.” Reporter: “That’s hard to do when we never get out of here.”
- #8587
Newbie reporter to city editor: “Got any advice for me?” City editor: “Marry outside the profession.” Copy editor, who also happens to be city editor’s wife: “Don’t listen to him. Don’t get married at all.”
- #8562
Reporter discussing possible assignment: “Mom stabs son?!” Assignment Editor: “Just in the knee.” Reporter: “Nevermind.”
- #8532
Special projects editor on phone with source: “It’s a good thing you didn’t marry her … Oh, you did marry her?”
- #8516
“There are a lot of things I apply journalism standards to. Except for dating. Then it’s all about lies and deception.”
- #8499
Sports editor: “Don’t talk to me about the Red Sox. My kids didn’t know the F-word before last night.”
- #8436
Copy editor: “Don’t you want to stay and help the sports desk take phone calls?” Sports clerk, who got married a year ago: “As much as I’d love to do that, during high school football season, this is when it’s nice to have a wife. It’s an excuse to go home.”
- #8462
Assignment editor, upon receiving the sketch of a suspect: “Hey, this looks like my son!”
- #8432
Scanner: “Man says his wife went out for eggs an hour ago and hasn’t returned.” Social Editor: “Check his best friend’s house.”
- #8420
Reporter: “Unlike some, I am not panicking about the approaching hurricane. I suggest, however, that you use a black Sharpie to write your blood type and next of kin on yourself. Preferably on your torso and each limb, in case they get separated.”
- #8358
Sub Editor 1, who sent a text message to a colleague congratulating her on giving birth: “Oh it turns out she’s not actually had the baby yet.” Sub Editor 2: “Trust us to always be right up with the news.”
