Dive into the archives.
- #8473
Managing editor: “What’s up with page two?” Copy editor: “I’ll be squeezing out the deuce as soon as I plop in the news nugget.”
- #8405
Editor: “You can’t go wrong with a photo of tainted meat.”
- #8480
Scanner: “Non-emergency response to abdominal pains at McDonald’s.” Producer: “Gee, I wonder why.”
- #8454
Sarcastic Photographer: “Taking pictures of sewage was not at all symbolic of my day.”
- #8448
Reporter 1: “We cut the head off a chicken, put it in the newsroom and whoever gets sprayed with blood gets to work on the story.” Reporter 2: “You sacrifice a chicken for every story?” Reporter 1: “Yes, we eat a lot of fried chicken.”
- #8433
Copy editor accidentally drops half-eaten apple onto dirty 15-year-old newsroom carpet: “Shit. The sum of all fears.”
- #8413
Reporter, looking at shot of dog’s crotch on the front page: “That’s definitely not the worst dog penis I’ve seen in the paper.”
- #8406
Reporter: “The mayor had sweaty pits by the time I was through with him. I would like to think it’s my interview style, but I think it’s just our lack of air conditioning in the conference room.”
- #8389
Editor: “This is like a three-sentence orgy of horrible grammar. It’s the Human Centipede of sentences.”
- #8349
Editor 1: “I’m so hungry I could eat a horse.” Editor 2: “Well, you better hurry, the cafeteria closes in 10 minutes.”
- #8312
Producer: “Try not to breathe too much. It smells like skunk everywhere.” Photog: “Oh, I thought that was our ratings.”
- #8299
News editor commenting on managing editor’s pastries: “Your sticky buns are kind of stale.” Managing editor: “Go F*#&$ yourself.”
- #8294
Reporter after an interview: “I need a breath mint for all the ass I just kissed.”
- #8238
Photographer: “The company executives must be coming. The bathroom is clean and has a usable amount of soap.”
- #8219
Web editor, sniffs air: “It smells like onions. Is somebody cooking?” Editorial intern: “Oh thank God. I was just about to sniff my armpits.”
- #8206
Cops and courts reporter: “Someone stole a kitty litter box with litter still in it. That is the grossest theft I have ever heard of.”
- #8193
Web reporter: “What’s another name for newspapers?” Social media editor: “Toilet paper?”
- #8156
Reporter: “Does it make me a bad person if I laugh at a pet crematorium having the same address as a Chinese restaurant?”
- #8118
Reporter about a correction to a health article in the paper: “We’re telling people how to clean their asses and we can’t even get that right!”
- #8113
News Editor, after 4 people in the room coughed and/or sneezed loudly in succession: “I think I can hear my white blood cells holding a prayer vigil.”
