Dive into the archives.
- #9306
Editor: “There’s a reception for the outgoing president today.” Reporter: “It’s just going to be a bunch of people jacking each other off and I don’t want to be in the splash zone.”
- #9265
Reporter: “That guy’s so stupid you wonder how he brushes his teeth in the morning without sticking the toothbrush up his ass first.”
- #9261
News editor on election night: “We’ll be burping and farting all night.”
- #9223
Reporter on the phone: “I can’t imagine having a ferret with diarrhea.”
- #9185
Editor In Chief: “It smells very interesting in this office.” News Editor: “Well first, it smells like a sewer bust outside. And then we had Chinese food.”
- #9157
Editor: “It’s not called pink slime, it’s called finely textured beef, ok?”
- #9147
Reporter, on covering a health exhibit that included a walk-through inflatable colon: “I guess I better shit out a story now.”
- #9123
Food editor after trying a new soda: “You know what this reminds me of? When I spray hairspray in my mouth.”
- #9116
Sports editor after covering a series of state tournaments: “You know you’ve been on the road too much when you find a pair of dirty socks in your camera bag.”
- #9091
Designer: “Would you call this color a Pepto-Bismol?” Reporter: “Yeah, I think so. That or a pureed liver.” Designer: “Either way, you end up back at Pepto-Bismol.”
- #9071
“I just Febrezed the shit out of the newsroom.”
- #9051
Pressroom operator: “Geez, you guys are keeping me busier than a toilet bowl at a frat house.”
- #9024
High school sports reporter: “The kid burped in my recorder. I should spell his name wrong.”
- #9021
Veteran features writer on his 21-year-old son: “Still, he doesn’t pee in the washing machine anymore so that’s an improvement.”
- #9013
Reporter: “I hate talking to that guy, he has diarrhea of the mouth.” Editor: “And it’s your job as a reporter to pick the nuts out of that crap and make something that everyone will eat up.”
- #9009
Page designer: “I got the meatballs as far away from the hemorrhoids as possible.”
- #8998
Producer 1, after explaining cat’s vet visit: “So look at it this way: No matter how bad things get around here, at least solids aren’t coming out your peehole.” Producer 2: “You’re right. Can we change our tagline from ‘Your Local News Source’ to that?”
- #8969
City editor: “I probably shouldn’t be reading this dog poop story while eating lunch.”
- #8968
Scanner: “Illegal dumping in the street.” Reporter: “Is someone taking a shit on the streets in downtown, again?”
- #8962
Reporter: “I think a murder charge would look better on a criminal record than sodomy with a horse.”
