Dive into the archives.
- #5733
News editor to copy desk hand on who’s going to run the story: “Don’t use Salinger’s toilet. Bob’s got that.”
- #5698
Assistant sports editor talking about lifting weights at the gym with a news copy editor: “There’s two things I worry about when I’m lifting weights at the gym — having a brain aneurysm or shitting my pants. Then again, those are the same two things I worry about coming into this office.”
- #5543
Editor: “It’s a good thing there isn’t a fan in here, because shit would be all over it.”
- #5476
Producer to newsroom after sitting through hours of breaking news: “Code red. Get me a catheter.”
- #5381
Reporter, to web editor: “I just broke news in your direction.”
Designer: “I thought I smelled something.”
- #5353
Editor: “Whats up with the pubes in the urinal?”
Photographer: “Again?”
- #5347
Sports editor: “I need to go to WalMart tonight. I haven’t been in about six months and I’ve been through the entire Arby’s menu about six times through. It’s starting to taste as horrible as it actually is for my body.”
- #5232
TV Reporter, disgruntled at his story’s running time being reduced: “One-minute-fifteen? I could fart for longer than that.”
- #5221
Reporter: “Should I be concerned that this bologna sandwich from the vending machine doesn’t expire for five weeks?”
Editor: “Yes. Don’t eat it until after you file your story.”
- #5162
On an online commenters quote being printed in the newspaper:
Reporter: “Did we actually print a quote from ‘dirtysanchez’? Someone should tell (the editor responsible for the page) what that means.”
Another editor: “That should be an interesting conversation.”
- #5161
Sports Editor: “I’m trying to find a way to incorporate the phrase ‘Dutch Oven’ into the headline if the Netherlands wins the World Cup.”
- #5107
Editor: “You can’t refer to summer activities as watersports.”
Producer: “Right, because the morning show host thinks it means people urinating on each other.”
Editor: “It does mean that.”
- #4988
Reporter: “Perhaps with the new editor’s emphasis on investigative reporting, we can finally investigate who’s been pissing all over the toilet seat.”
- #4968
Reporter to editor: “His biggest offense is that his favorite beer was Bud Light Lime.”
- #4966
Administrative assistant: “If the world threw up, it would be in this building.”
- #4957
Producer, about Director: “This is like watching someone conducting an orchestra.”
Graphics operator: “No, this is like watching someone trying to conduct 30 naked men simultaneously shitting into only 4 toilets.”
- #4954
Sports guy: “I’ll sick my rash on you!”
Reporter: “Ugh, what is that?”
- #4924
Executive producer, about popcorn cooking in the newsroom: “It smells like foot butter.”
- #4918
Editor after a call came over the scanner for a man with rectal bleeding, just minutes after the call for a man with his eye out of the socket: “If you think you’re having a bad day, just remember what you heard on the scanner.”
- #4865
After discussing the mislabeling of 50 severed heads used for medical research found aboard an area airline:
Anchor: “My husband would keep arms from cadavers in our freezer in the garage. I’m not kidding.”
