Dive into the archives.
- #9243
Web editor, after standing up to answer the phone: “Wow, I haven’t stood up in awhile. It must feel like taking a vitamin, or seeing the sun or something.”
- #9225
Editor: “Our phones in the newsroom seem to have gone down.” IT support: “Can you get by for the night without them?” Editor: “Well, we are trying to put out a newspaper. So probably not.”
- #9214
Editor, after receiving notice of a murder-suicide: “They always die after deadline.”
- #9175
Editor to reporter on making a brief of four bodies found in the ocean into a story: “Yeah, four bodies ain’t a brief.”
- #9166
Reporter after being told to go live from a site he just returned from: “We don’t make sense, we make news!”
- #9155
Editor when told to be patient dealing with the Interweb: “I’ve got no time to be patient.”
- #9120
Producer: “I can’t be killed by this tornado right now, I haven’t finished putting this story on the website!”
- #9098
City editor: “How’s it going?” Reporter: “I’m doing fine, but I’m sure you’re not since I haven’t typed a word of my story yet.”
- #9090
Assignment editor to photographer: “The trouble with civilians is that they don’t understand the emergency of everything.”
- #9073
City editor to reporters: “I can’t even tell you what a mindfuck it is to get all your stories at 11 p.m. I don’t want you all fucking me at once.”
- #9066
Managing Editor: “You’ve got the wedding tab to finish up.” Community Editor: “I do.”
- #9051
Pressroom operator: “Geez, you guys are keeping me busier than a toilet bowl at a frat house.”
- #9000
Angry news editor ordering reporter to a job: “Get there as quick as you can and phone me when you are outside.” Five minutes later shouting down the phone to the hack: “Phone me when you get outside the house not the bloody office!”
- #8990
Reporter: “They just confirmed it… wait… they just re-tweeted her. That’s not confirmation. That’s just doubling down.”
- #8963
Reporter looking to move on a story about prostitution for the next news bulletin: “What can I do with a prostitute at 10 a.m.?”
- #8900
Editor to reporter pleading for a deadline extension: “Christmas ain’t moving.”
- #8887
Copy editor: “If our computer system keeps moving this slow we’re going to have to re-book the front page because there’s going to be a murder.”
- #8884
“‘No news is good news’? Dumbest shit I’ve ever heard.”
- #8876
Reporter: “Wow, I’m glad someone caught that typo. I accidentally quoted the CEO as saying the expansion plans were adorable, not affordable.”
- #8873
Weekly reporter to source on why he didn’t check voicemail during the deadline crunch: “It’s like the weekly version of the end of the semester in college.”
