Dive into the archives.
- #9000
Angry news editor ordering reporter to a job: “Get there as quick as you can and phone me when you are outside.” Five minutes later shouting down the phone to the hack: “Phone me when you get outside the house not the bloody office!”
- #8990
Reporter: “They just confirmed it… wait… they just re-tweeted her. That’s not confirmation. That’s just doubling down.”
- #8963
Reporter looking to move on a story about prostitution for the next news bulletin: “What can I do with a prostitute at 10 a.m.?”
- #8900
Editor to reporter pleading for a deadline extension: “Christmas ain’t moving.”
- #8887
Copy editor: “If our computer system keeps moving this slow we’re going to have to re-book the front page because there’s going to be a murder.”
- #8884
“‘No news is good news’? Dumbest shit I’ve ever heard.”
- #8876
Reporter: “Wow, I’m glad someone caught that typo. I accidentally quoted the CEO as saying the expansion plans were adorable, not affordable.”
- #8873
Weekly reporter to source on why he didn’t check voicemail during the deadline crunch: “It’s like the weekly version of the end of the semester in college.”
- #8844
Designer: “I’m like the AP: A day late on the news!”
- #8829
Designer: “How did the F word get into the newspaper?” Copy editor: “I don’t know; that’s why we have proofreaders.” Designer: “Proofreaders? What a quaint idea. So antiquated. We should also have candle makers.”
- #8817
Reporter to Editor: “Obviously the lede changes if people die.”
- #8815
Reporter: “It’s not sloppy, it’s breaking.”
- #8795
Copy editor: “I love that our CP photos are 10 days old.” Digital reporter: “That new? We’re remarking on how recent they are, right?”
- #8769
Sports editor on the phone with a school: “Wait a minute, which school did I just call?”
- #8764
Editor to designers: “You name it, and we’ve pulled it out of our asses.”
- #8719
Producer, on airing kicker in last block: “I like to live on the edge… of glory. Like Lady Gaga.”
- #8717
Reporter 1, who hasn’t started her story: “But instead of worrying about it, I’m looking at pictures of teenage Oprah.” Reporter 2, who also hasn’t started her story: “You are my spirit animal.”
- #8707
Editor to Reporter on election night two hours before polls close: “You ate our pizza, now give us your B-matter!”
- #8696
Reporter on phone with wife: “I know. I’m sorry. A police officer got arrested for DWI.”
- #8669
General manager at a three-day weekly publication: “Every day is a production when you’re me.”
