Dive into the archives.
- #9018
Entertainment writer, after hearing a celebrity’s tale of woe: “I’d like to be treated for exhaustion.”
- #9017
Reporter: “This crazy lady who says she’s missing is in the lobby for an interview.” Executive Producer: “Is she crazy?” Producer: “Is she naked?”
- #9016
Digital news editor: “I have another mindless job for you, if you’re up for it.”
- #9015
Reporter 1: “Wow, this computer is being slow.” Reporter 2: “On the list of things that don’t require a ‘wow’: Our computers being slow.”
- #9014
Photographer to newspaper reporter: “Your story sounded good on the radio this morning.”
- #9013
Reporter: “I hate talking to that guy, he has diarrhea of the mouth.” Editor: “And it’s your job as a reporter to pick the nuts out of that crap and make something that everyone will eat up.”
- #9012
Reporter who went to a concert the night before: “I was looking around and it was like, hipster, hipster, hipster, guy who looks like our managing editor — holy shit that IS our managing editor.”
- #9010
Reporter 1: “Press pass around the neck, or in the wallet?” Reporter 2: “Around the neck, that way, when you cover protests, the crazies come to you.”
- #9007
Producer, on competition’s reporter: “You know it’s cold out there when she breaks out her beret.”
- #9006
Sports photographer talking about shooting a wrestling match: “Honestly, every picture had a penis in it!”
- #9005
Copy editor: “Don’t you ever stop being emo?” Reporter: “Well, I am on Tumblr.”
- #9004
Reporter: “Don’t I get to do anything interesting in my life without having to write about it?” News Editor: “What? No, you’re a reporter now.”
- #9002
Copy chief: “It’s always nice to see a Walmart ad. If they’re going to destroy America, we at least ought to get some money out of it.”
- #9001
Copy Editor 1: “I hope if you win the lottery you buy me a Lexus. I would buy you a Lexus.” Copy Editor 2: “The problem with the lottery is the tickets are $2 now and I couldn’t afford to play when they were still $1.”
- #9000
Angry news editor ordering reporter to a job: “Get there as quick as you can and phone me when you are outside.” Five minutes later shouting down the phone to the hack: “Phone me when you get outside the house not the bloody office!”
- #8999
“Does anyone else feel like they’re on an Italian cruise?”
- #8998
Producer 1, after explaining cat’s vet visit: “So look at it this way: No matter how bad things get around here, at least solids aren’t coming out your peehole.” Producer 2: “You’re right. Can we change our tagline from ‘Your Local News Source’ to that?”
- #8997
Executive Editor: “We used to have a senior living columnist, but I think he died.” Staff Reporter: “Aww…” Executive Editor: “He might still be alive.”
- #8996
Crime reporter in rural Louisiana: “People around here don’t dump bodies in good places. They’re too easy to find.”
- #8995
Assignment Editor: “That tipster is such a perv.” Anchor: “But he gives us so many news ideas.” Assignment Editor: “Well, he is still a perv.” Anchor: “I think when you’re near 80 years old you deserve to be a perv.”
