Dive into the archives.
- #9011
Reporter as random person walks by: “So he stuck $85,000 of heroin pellets up his butt?” Random person glares. Reporter: “Sorry.”
- #8993
Editor reading the arrest report: “Apparently all anyone did between Christmas and New Year’s was toke up.”
- #8979
News editor: “If the Girl Scouts sold wine, I’d be a lot easier to bribe.”
- #8948
Anchor after a story on World Series of Beer Pong on the weather chat: “I didn’t know what beer pong is.” Meteorologist: “Did you go to college?”
- #8938
Producer: “When you got someone making meth in Walmart, then yeah, you’ve got an epidemic.”
- #8894
Retiring producer reminiscing about the ‘good ol’ days’ in the newsroom: “Remember when we could smoke like chimneys and drink like Kennedys?”
- #8877
Cops beat intern: “Can we say ‘meth’ on second reference?” Cops reporter: “If we couldn’t, I would have already shot myself.”
- #8875
Reporter: “No sir, the fact that I wrote a story about a craft beer store coming to town is NOT proof that I endorse drunk driving and hate Jesus. But thank you for reading the paper.”
- #8864
Page designer: “After all that Breaking Bad I just want to fill the wire page with drug cartel stories.”
- #8862
Reporter: “Is anyone allergic to any foods?” Ad rep: “I’m only allergic to not having enough beer.”
- #8839
Photo Editor: “You obviously didn’t go to a cool school.” Photographer: “I went to a Catholic school, we were too busy drinking.”
- #8796
Reporter 1, after newsroom receives candy from a local shop that has been in the newspaper numerous times over the last few months: “I personally accept responsibility for the candy since I’ve done all the writing about them.” Reporter 2: “Next time, why don’t you write about the marijuana growers?”
- #8747
Court reporter on sexual assault trial: “He’s a sex addict, she’s a drug addict.” Reporter 2: “New this summer on Fox.”
- #8744
Sports editor: “You know you’re talking to a news editor when she gives you directions to an event relative to the liquor store.”
- #8677
Desk Reporter: “I didn’t realize I was that hungover until I sat down for my 9 a.m. newscast, and I was like… wow.”
- #8676
Editor-in-chief at weekly staff meeting, discussing the ethics of drinking on the job: “If we read your column aloud to ourselves and we start slurring, we get a little suspicious.”
- #8651
“Glenfiddich whisky… one F two Ds.” “Like Gaddafi?” “Err Yeah.”
- #8632
Reporter 1: “You smell like whiskey and cigarettes.” Reporter 2: “That was my dinner last night.”
- #8629
Editor on deadline: “Alcohol has taken over my life in a very positive way.”
- #8628
A crime reporter changes focus: “I’m kind of glad to get away from pot for a while and move onto perverts.”
