Dive into the archives.
- #7959
News assistant: “Guess what we didn’t have in the paper today?” Photo editor: “News! Oh fuck.”
- #7958
Man accused of drug trafficking angry about court story talking to crime reporter: Accused trafficker: “Where does it say you can put my name in the paper?” Crime reporter: “The Constitution.” Accused trafficker: “Where can I get a copy?”
- #7957
10 p.m. Reporter: “My package is in.” 10 p.m. Producer: “That’s nice. I’m watching a rap video.”
- #7956
Male reporter, who did a ‘Dare a Reporter’ article on getting a Brazilian wax done on him: Waxed reporter: “Yeah, man, about that waxing thing.” Reporter 1, interrupting: “Yeah, I don’t wanna know.” Waxed reporter: “It really hurt. Not so much afterward but in the moment.” Reporter 2: “I hope at least it got you [...]
- #7955
“Do we really need a class on how to prevent shaken baby syndrome? Here’s your class. Don’t. Shake. Your. Baby.”
- #7954
Anchor 1: “That’s a cute dog.” Anchor 2: “Looks like she loves her balls.” Anchor 1: “Excuse me?”
- #7953
Editor, upon reading a release for the local library’s Harry Potter-themed event: “Oh, we are covering the ever-loving crap out of THIS. “ Reporter: “Is it unprofessional if I dress up to cover it?” Editor: “Only if you go as Dobby.”
- #7952
As marketing director leads a field trip through the newsroom: Reporter: “I wonder why he doesn’t stop and explain what WE do.” Entertainment editor: “He doesn’t know.”
- #7951
Very pregnant arts writer is leaving office to start maternity leave. Newsroom chorus: “Bye! Good luck! Call us!” Female photo editor: “Keep your eyes on the prize!” Male managing editor: “Have fun!”
- #7950
Editor 1: “Oh shoot, Tim Pawlenty just decided to run for president. That’s going to screw up my page!” Editor 2: “Don’t worry, there’s pawlenty of time before deadline.”
- #7949
Sports editor: “I was going to use the word ‘metaphorically’ in my lede, but I decided against it.” Sports reporter: “Probably a good call. It’s five syllables too long for our readers.”
- #7948
Web editor: “I can’t finish the Summer Fun Guide because I keep getting interrupted by summer mayhem.”
- #7947
Managing Editor: “If you guys ever text me, don’t fucking put a smiley face.”
- #7946
Editor: “I just received an engagement announcement that said: ‘The couple will be honeymooning upon the mountains of love tour and visiting the far reaches of the solar system.’” Reporter: “They will be doing WHAT?” Editor: “Dropping acid and running through their backyard is my best translation.”
- #7945
Crime Reporter: “This civil complaint reads like it was written by a pissed off 15 year old girl.” Editor: “Was it?” Crime Reporter: “No, it was written by an old farmer who is representing himself.” Editor: “Same thing then.”
- #7944
Editor: “I really wanted to put ‘nutsack’ in the tags for this story.” Reporter: “Why didn’t you?” Editor: “Because I’m professional, you fuckers.”
- #7943
Reporter, when asked why certain details were missing from his story: “I didn’t want to pry.”
- #7942
“Let’s put genitalia on our Facebook page… then have fans match the genitalia with the anchor!”
- #7942
“Come on, you’re a news hound. It’s pumping through your veins.” “Well apparently today I’m anemic.”
- #7941
Producer with new computer: “It’s so fast! I’ll be able to spend so much more time on Facebook now!”
