Dive into the archives.
- #5837
Reporter to Night Editor on sitting next to a guy in a city council meeting who kept farting: “Then he leaned over to me and asked me what I was doing there.” Night Editor: “You should have said ‘You know what I’m not doing? Coming to city council meetings and ripping ass, that’s what.’”
- #5836
Reporter, on phone with assignment desk: “Yeah, we can go pick up that noon press conference.” Photographer, screaming over reporter to assignment editor: “Don’t fuck with my lunch!”
- #5835
Firefighter heard on scanner having trouble locating a car reportedly on fire on the Interstate: “Central, can you call back highway patrol and ask them for a description of this car?” Dispatcher: “Negative … they just said it’s the car that’s on fire.”
- #5834
Reporter talking about man she interviewed: “I think he’s off his rocker, but he served my purpose.”
- #5833
Reporter’s response to a parent wondering how many children had to die before she’d report on a student being sent home for bringing a pocket knife to school: “Five. Five children is a good number.”
- #5832
Reporter to editor: “Is ass allowed on the comment section if it’s spelled with dollar signs (a$$)?”
- #5831
Producer, after listening to police scanners for an extended period of time: “Time for more Lady Gaga… I can’t take this anymore.”
- #5830
City editor to caller: “Well sir, we can’t exactly call someone a crook. Okay, I will have the governor call you.”
- #5829
Reporter: “What does STET stand for?” Associate Editor: “It’s Latin for Apple-Z.”
- #5828
Radio news anchor, when pet hotel dials wrong number, calls newsroom by mistake to confirm details of a dog’s stay: “Sorry ma’am, this is a newsroom. We don’t have any dogs here. We have a number of bitches, but no dogs.”
- #5827
Copy Editor 1: “Everyone’s GPA slips in college. Mine dropped to a 3.9.” Copy Editor 2, mocking Copy Editor 1: “Look at me, I got a 3.9.” Copy Editor 1: “It’s not like I have anything else to be proud of. I’m working here, aren’t I? Let me have my memories.”
- #5826
Producer after graphics op aired wrong mug shot: “Someone just got defamed.”
- #5825
Five-year-old boy to reporter interviewing people at snow cone stand: “You’re gonna need a bigger notebook if you’re gonna write a whole story.”
- #5824
Reporter: “Turns out there’s a fine line between promotion and libel in restaurant reviews.” Editor: “Much like the fine line between burping and vomiting.”
- #5823
Reporter: “What do you call a freelancer… ? Like, what do you put under their byline?” Editor: “I thought that was the beginning to a joke. Like, ‘What do you call a freelancer with a 60-inch story?’” Reporter: “You call them, ‘A reason to start drinking.’”
- #5822
30-year-old sports reporter on getting a person to do a one-minute interview: “You can just call me the one-minute man… not in that way though… not that I would know…”
- #5821
Reporter, upon receiving a press release in an uncommon file format: “Fuck you and your DOCX bullshit!”
- #5820
Editor 1: “Our network is so slow, I can’t even watch last night’s council meeting online without it pausing to buffer the video every five seconds.” Editor 2: “Yeah, but at least we don’t have to worry about anyone watching online porn.”
- #5819
City Editor, after the editorial assistant found a mistake in his story: “I read my story a million times, and I can’t believe the mistakes.”
- #5818
Editor, discussing municipal decision to spend $8 million on a flag pole, and a joke that Viagra will sponsor it: “Without any wind, the flag will go limp.” Reporter: “Someone will have to blow it.”
