Dive into the archives.
- 1873
Reporter: “How do I delicately write this headline for the Stout-Johnson wedding?”
Other reporter: “That would be a hard one.”
- 1872
Designer to another designer: “Sometimes I wish I could ‘Apple Z’ my life.”
- 1871
“Make it big. That’s all I have to say.”
- 1870
Reporter: “It’s so nice to laugh at other people and not have everyone laughing at you all the time.”
- 1869
Columnist to editor: “My column’s in. It may not make sense.”
- 1868
Reporter to photographer: “There is no confusion, we’re covering a field trip.”
- 1867
Talking about The Onion News videos:
Correspondent: “I wish I worked on Today Now. I love that show.”
- 1866
Anchor: “If you don’t have a TV and don’t watch our newscast then I don’t care about you.”
- 1865
“I’m going to the hospital for a story about pain management. I’ll see if I can score some Vicodin for everybody.”
- 1864
Producer updating the newsroom after reporter called in from the field:
“She isn’t getting anywhere at city council. No one’s getting mad at anyone or anything.”
- 1863
City editor laughing about jokes reporters are making regarding illegal massage bust:
Copy editor: “You’re having too much fun with this story.”
City editor: “I always have fun with prostitutes.”
- 1862
Reporter: “To shoot my video I had to put on a bee suit. Do you know how hard it is to shoot video in a bee suit?”
- 1861
Photographer to reporter on the newspaper’s parking lot:
“Have you noticed you never have to worry about finding a parking space around here anymore?”
- 1860
Copy editor hearing reports of a drive-by shooting suspect returning to the crime scene:
“If at first you don’t succeed, wait for the cops to clear the scene, circle the block suspiciously for awhile, then try try again.”
- 1859
“What’s AP style for ‘disco stick’?”
- 1858
Editor to a reporter: “You know, I’ve noticed a significant uptick in your sarcasm lately, and I like it.”
- 1857
Editor to reporter: “So much we do is actual bullshit.”
- 1856
Cops reporter on a Friday afternoon: “I can’t get excited about dead people anymore.”
- 1855
Editor: “There’s like four different spellings of Gadhafi in this.”
Reporter: “I tried to get all of them in.”
- 1854
Reporter: “You know when you’re a journalist when you refer to your curfew as deadline.”
